I know I surprised myself on that one.
Myself and Kwan Yin...my friends joked I looked like a tour guide.
A special day in which to ponder…sex.
**Disclaimer and notice: before continuing, if you are easily offended, do not like the topic, or are too conservative, or not 18 or over, please feel free to refrain from continuing to read.**
It began with a discussion with friends about life, death, current events, philosophy, and back to life affirming things, in this case sex. As it is still a special day, why not share a bit of humor or thoughts as a treat then?
Really though this is more of a blast on Fifty Shades of Grey. If you are a fan of the book, or movie, nothing personal but feel free to skip over this and we shall never speak of it again.
Here is the thing. First, it started as a fan fiction spin off Twilight, a novel for teens and vampire lovers (actually we have to end that digression right there, it would be a whole other post on how sparkly vampires are just the undead I cannot take seriously and writing that honestly reminded me of maybe, maybe, freshmen year of college at best). So naturally what we are left with is the kind of writitng that…well…I know there are some women who got hot and bothered with it, but having read a page I could not go on. I slammed the cover and shook my head, this sold well. There is simply better smut out there.
There is just so much better smut if you are going to read it. Did you know someone wrote an erotica fan fiction of Pride and Prejudice? I grant you, you will be inclined to laugh in parts, but after the giggles subside (the whole Bingley episode though plausible did make me laugh a bit more than it should have), it got rather naughty, and no, not like:
Although I can see how this might be a turn on.
That Pride and Prejudice fan fiction was better than Fifty Shades. It did get, well, fiery in a good way, and it was much better written.
Now the whole premise of Fifty Shades being some kind of breakthrough, the first of its kind, is also erroneous. The film The Secretary came out before and was much better. It even offered the humorous side to the world of BDSM. Above all, having spoken to many in that community, it at least got a few basics right that Fifty Shades
did not. The bigger issue seems to be what kind of consent was there?
The main character, the female lead, is from what I gather in editorials, gets caught up in a non-emotional relationship (the guy explains he is just incapable) and has no real background in BDSM. So she is just coaxed into trying it and is given a large legal “contract” with, I likewise gather, little discussion. She is left to make sense of the boundaries on her own (who really reads the terms and conditions? ). I guess those good housekeeping issues were just not “romantic” enough? Was it too practical for Hollywood, or did they not consult someone from the community? I mean I guess some felt it may “take away from the moment” but it is necessary for “a moment” happen. So is the emotional intimacy aslo needed if this is a “relationship”, even in BDSM.
From what I have been told, and read in the following reviews, such open and honest discussions have to happen to keep everyone on the same page, safe, and thereby trust is established. Also, if there is no emotional intimacy the whole thing just went from kinky to abusive in a snap of the fingers.
If someone wants to smack your bum, and you let them, and the whole time you are thinking kinky and they are thinking all women/men should be punished for hurting them…those smacks are becoming less loving and will sour the whole scene. For both parties. Ergo it is recommended, if that is an issue said person is better seeing a professional counselor before doing that sort of kink. Best for all involved, you know logical. How can you be vulnerable with someone if now you cannot trust them? How can you enjoy the moment if you are worried they are in a different space than you?
It also works both ways. Suppose the one delivering the whacks is totally okay mentally, emotionally, etc. and instead it is the sub who has the hangups? What if the person is having a total inner breakdown going back to some past trauma…and they never spoke of it to the dom? Now there they are no longer aroused and just sitting there weeping profusely. That is why those conversations and disclosure issues are up-front.
Also I gather the wrong ropes were used at times etc. Surely, they could have hired a professional consultant?
Though in the main character’s defense he has an outstanding dungeon/playroom…but who wouldn’t if they were a millionaire? He would put Batman to shame…well, maybe not that far. I have faith Bruce Wayne could get a respectable playroom with adult toys if he wanted…but why would he? After all he is Batman.
You don’t have to be rich to be a good dom, another issue we all discussed at length. It almost made the film seem more like Taken but without drugging the girl.
Here is an example of what I found if you wanted to know more:
Huffington Post Dominatrix take on Fifty Shades
This is more about the book itself
From the Daily Beast another not happy dominatrix
There are of course those that felt it was at least nice that the BDSM community was being looked at as being more societally acceptable, and those who decried and said no, this is making it worse. In the end though, only time will tell.
Maybe not quite the role playing they had in mind...
This novel and this film has made millions. Bad writing and stereotypes aside, it sold and it sold well. Imagine if it were well done, it may have been something we would laud instead of criticize. Still it made me think of two things.
First: It made me once again rally for just better writing.
Second: If all of this was too serious, or you cannot see the humorous side of sex at all, maybe this will help you loosen up a bit: