So I was blogging on my other site…when the database connection…well, it crashed. So the host found the issue and are working on it…good times. It also is not just me who has been affected by this error. Somewhat comforting I am not alone in this? Anyway, to not forgo a Mabon post I did put one on the backup site until the other is fixed–which actually was just now fixed. Good job them, less than an hour of the issue. Woot!
Naturally, now I am really debating…do I want to use my real name or no? At first I was worried that the site down was a hack, I always worry about that because hackers are smart and I am just a writer. Knowing the ins and outs of the tech world is a lot of work as it stands. To learn all of that and pursue writing is a great deal too much time taken away from writing. When it comes to tech stuff, I may know a little, but it is just that, a little.
Then there is that what I do during the day to earn a living problem, people can get very judgmental as to what I should be like after work hours. If I pen down something and people put two and two together and decide to kick a fuss and fret to my superiors…I am almost to the point of not caring though too. Honestly, there are others like me who have penned by far more than me as they were not worried as I am. Seriously, I am human, imperfect in every way just as the rest of humanity. Unless we all become robots or are taken over by robots, in which case they can all piss off I am joining Reese and fighting against Skynet. Either way, winning. So that concern has lessened.
There are also those special people on the Internet who can track you down, and make life very uncomfortable or short. Still a concern, but again percentage wise, and the fact that other writers put their names out there, whatever to that concern. Looking at my heroes: The Bloggess, Hot Nerd Girl, JK Rowling, Christopher Stasheff, Terry Goodkind, and Christopher Moore. Hell with it. If they can take a risk why not? There is that logic too. Once more into the breech.
Now to that song, it deals with my father and my artistic self.
Recently, I had a long conversation with my father. Hard to do as he is in Oman currently. Still we talked about life, work and all of that. I do not know if it is living abroad, getting wisdom with age or what, but at the end of the day my father said to me, “You are my writer. Just write.”
This is unusually supportive for my father. He used to caution us on being practical, but now he is more concerned with us losing ourselves to the inertia of life and not being happy. That is what is important.
He lectured me on how I should pursue my passion as that is what matters. There is a whole other post on that issue as other writers have struggled pursuing passion. It happens–it is not a money making jackpot to start and in some cases ever. But at least they are doing it getting their dreams written down in full.
So then being the OCD kid I am I looked into what writers have to do. One, write–need more discipline there but so far so good. Duh. Read, research, and then there is the create an online platform and presence (publishers like it when you already have it sorted, now you need a site, your own Twitter, Facebook page, all of that, and of course they love it if you have a lot followers in advance before investing in you, nice). Now, I already have an alter-ego created that I have not been using much. So maybe screw it and just be me? It makes more sense, and it is more genuine. As Han Solo would say, “Hey, it’s me.”
While all of this debate in my head took place, I caught a cold. And then this song came on the radio. Colleen, I thought you may get a kick out of this. This is my one song.
It is totally cheesy and I admit it fully. I feel we all have that song we are ashamed to admit we love, and this happens to be mine.
It was the song that I played over and over as kid, drove my family nuts. But it is a special song. I was drawn to it because I thought it was referring to an artist’s painting canvas and it coincided with the literal sailing canvas. To me it is this metaphor for art and exploration, and finding truth in wandering the dream world and eventually returning with that truth to the real world.
For my father, it was the song that played while he and my mother were temporarily separated, while he figured out whether or not he could make that marriage work. He was literally on sail boat with his friends pondering this crossroad in his life.
I did not know my father’s connection to that song until I was older and they were divorced. Yet, that we were both drawn to that song to me makes it even more special. And likewise it makes me feel his message again. Just write. Do not give up. He has seen his sister no longer pursue her art and he does not want me to follow the same path. I can appreciate his concern that I will end the same–with uncompleted dreams lying around me. So it is that even in writing this, I think a decision has formed.
Now all I have to sort out is how that will look.